A Self-Care Toolkit

Because 3 a.m. anxiety isn’t sustainable

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Getting my 3 a.m. Wordle on.

Hi, friends!

Show of hands: Who here isn’t sleeping through the night? Anxiety about the election, so much hateful discourse, and alarming world events have me jolting awake every few hours. And of course, in those moments I do the worst thing possible. I grab my phone and scroll the Twitter cesspool looking for anything positive to grasp onto for reassurance.

I might play that day’s NYT games: Wordle, Strands, Connections, maybe Tiles, but only if it’s the yellow, blue and white pattern or the green and magenta. And if I’m really spiraling, I’ll send out an SOS on my group chat. My 3 a.m. ride-or-dies. There’s usually someone awake and we can text for a while until my heart rate slows.

The other day, a close friend posted on social media about her election anxiety and I reached out to her to check in. This time I was the one providing reassurance that we’d get through whatever happens. I meant it, but I was also doing that thing where you smile and hope your emotions eventually catch up to your facial expression.

I suggested we lean into self-care and even go so far as to each come up with a plan. We decided to think about it and compare notes in a few days.

Writing is my favorite go-to for offloading worries, so I turned it into a prompt and came up with a list of self-care tools I could use to get my head together and not only break this cycle of rumination and doomscrolling, but rise above and reclaim my optimism and joy.

There’s a balance that’s necessary in order to avoid becoming someone in a perpetual state of anger, disgust and fear. No one wants to be around that person. And it sure isn’t fun to be her.

Yes, I know this reeks of self-help cringe. But the situations causing me stress are not going away anytime soon. There’s also a very real chance things will get worse. And stress can hurt you in many ways. Let me name a few: It interrupts sleep. Causes inflammation and tension in your body. Headaches. Teeth grinding. Weight gain from spiked cortisol. Plus constant worry and negativity can damage relationships.

To be clear, outrage and outspokenness have their place. In no way am I advocating for ignorance or silence in the face of issues that need to be brought to light. But there’s a balance that’s necessary — at least for me — in order to avoid becoming someone in a perpetual state of anger, disgust and fear. No one wants to be around that person. And it sure isn’t fun to be her.

Name Three Strategies

The self-care activities on my list fall under three general categories: the fundamentals, creativity and connection.

1. The fundamentals. There’s a reason professional musicians and athletes continue to practice the basics: they’re the foundation for performing well. These are the fundamentals that help me function most effectively and feel better physically and mentally. For the last month I’ve made an effort to include them and it’s made enough of a difference that I’m prioritizing them now.

• Eat healthy foods, drink lots of water, minimize sugar and alcohol

• Strength train regularly

• Take a long walk outside in daylight, daily if possible

• Regular transcendental meditation (I fall away from this constantly and need to be more consistent — daily at minimum). I sleep better and feel calmer when I meditate

• Aim for better sleep habits (my biggest challenge). Put my phone away an hour before bed. Go to bed earlier. Read a book instead of scrolling
   

2. Creativity. Creative expression is essential for coping, for protesting, for finding meaning in the rubble of chaos and uncertainty. It’s subversive in the face of those who want to silence our voices, to suppress what makes us unique and authentic. My toolkit includes a commitment to making and enjoying art in various forms.

• Read and listen to audiobooks (and get a library card so I can borrow audiobooks for free from Libby app)

• Watch comedies, listen to funny podcasts, read more humor

• Write more satire, more prose, more flash

• Finish my memoir manuscript

• Play cultural catch-up and watch classic movies I missed, listen to music far from my usual playlists, and read iconic books I own but never read, like Frankenstein and Pride and Prejudice

• Make like Alexander Hamilton and write my way through the uncertainty. Even if it’s just for myself, I will keep writing, keep processing, keep capturing what’s happening from a place of curiosity and history and culture. I was listening to a podcast interview with Lin-Manuel Miranda and he talked about going through tough times as a kid and how his own mom told him to zoom out and take it all in. Don’t run from it, she’d say. Remember it
  

3. Connection. This has multiple meanings. Mainly it’s about making sure I don’t become mired in angst. No matter what happens, I need to remember I’m not alone and make a deliberate choice to spend time with the people who lift me and remind me of who I am and what’s most meaningful.

• Make more plans to see friends

• Reconnect to the activities that used to bring me joy and fulfillment, but I’ve put aside — like knitting, painting with watercolors, and tennis. Actually, after a year plus of talking about it I finally reached out to a new pickleball club in my area about taking pickleball lessons with my husband and best friends. Just taking that step lifted me

• Connect with organizations doing the advocacy work I care about and get involved. As Mr. Rogers famously advised, “Look for the helpers.” Come to think of it, that’s what his mom said, which I love even more

Somehow the simple act of putting together a list feels empowering. My hope is by redirecting my anxious thoughts in a more positive direction, I can take back some control. And maybe get some sleep.

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Three Things That Inspired, Entertained, or Intrigued Me

1. Here’s the Lin-Manuel Miranda interview I mentioned above. Listen to episode 148 of Mike Birbiglia’s Working It Out podcast from Oct. 21.
   

2. My latest essay for HuffPost Personal ran earlier this month: This Is The Last Dog We’ll Ever Own. Here’s What He’s Taught Me About Love. I’m going to need self-care when we reach our inevitable goodbye.
   

3. Abby Maslin’s latest Substack offers great suggestions for your self-care toolbox. She and I apparently share more than a name — anxiety is everywhere, but as I told her after reading her post, we’ll get through it together.