On the Other Side of Discomfort

The unexpected rewards of wading through uncertainty

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There’s truth to the saying that growth happens at the end of your comfort zone. And while I will fiercely defend my right to seek comfort and burrow in like a dog on a couch, I increasingly find myself happily embarking on long-term projects that steer me onto an unfamiliar path.

I feel most energized and hopeful when I’m aiming for a goal but can’t yet visualize every step that will get me there. It’s that space between starting the thing and discovering how the thing will develop that keeps me engaged in these ventures that will inevitably take many turns—where the final outcome, for now, remains unknown.

It’s that space between starting the thing and discovering how the thing will develop that keeps me engaged in these ventures that will inevitably take many turns—where the final outcome, for now, remains unknown.

What’s surprising about this is that I’m someone who’s constantly grappling for control of the unknown—from my dependence on list-making to my tendency to think 20 steps ahead, so I can mitigate every possible problem in advance. I mean, the title of my memoir-in-progress is Hypervigilant. Says a lot, right?

I’d never characterize myself as adventurous. I’d rather read about world travel than book a trip. I hate thrill rides. And you’ll never catch me camping or signing up for a marathon or extreme hike. Then again, that’s a narrow definition of adventurous. The truth is, I have a long history of taking on new challenges and responsibilities that placed me squarely outside my comfort zone.

When I was 34, I left a corporate advertising job at a major healthcare organization to start my own business. I walked away from a management position with a six-figure salary and fantastic benefits. My husband was self-employed, so it was a risky move—our daughter had been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis only three years earlier, and health insurance was a big factor. I told him, “Give me six to nine months, and if I’m not earning money, I’ll get another job.” That was the extent of my business plan, but I made it work. 

In the decades since, I’ve grown professionally and personally through experience, interactions with others, and hundreds of tiny course corrections I’ve made along the path of uncertainty. 

Back when I was setting up my home office, a friend who had studied Feng Shui offered to help me apply some of the principles to optimize energy flow, harmony and balance in my space. In one zone, she told me to put a word on the wall to motivate and empower me. I chose “Possibility.” I ordered gold-painted letters from the Ballard Design catalog (totally dating myself here) and hung them above a doorway as instructed—years before Ted Lasso would slap a Believe sign over the doorway of his locker room.

I didn’t know it at the time, but possibility has been the magical element in every significant risk I’ve taken since. Possibility is the reward for wading through the discomfort of uncertainty. Possibility holds a promise. It’s what it means to ask yourself, “What if everything turns out okay?” and “What if I envision the best possible outcome? What can I achieve?”

Approaching life from a place of possibility has led me to try things I would have ordinarily shied away from. Like volunteering as a guest blogger, which led to writing my own column for Hooping.org, former hub of the worldwide hooping community. The hula kind. And taking journalism classes, which led to writing reported stories for publications well outside my comfort zone.

Of course, I get rejections, too, but I keep going because…possibilities. The coolest thing about pushing against boundaries is that boundaries expand. The borders of my comfort zone today are miles from where they stopped just three years ago.

The coolest thing about pushing against boundaries is that boundaries expand.

I recently started querying agents for my memoir and once again stand at the edge of my comfort zone. I know the path ahead will yield setbacks and disappointments, but I wholeheartedly believe it will end in success. 

Mindy Kaling gave a graduation speech at Dartmouth in 2018 and advised the students to have “insane confidence” in themselves, even if it wasn’t real. She claimed this practice was her superpower. Do I have this level of self-confidence? Not quite. But I do believe enough in what’s possible to forge ahead with optimism.

I think of my efforts as planting seeds. Each day, I’m excited to check for signs of growth—in the meantime, my job is to water, weed and nurture the ground to create the highest possibility for a favorable outcome. Eventually, something will take root and blossom. As long as I can maintain a sense of curiosity, wonder and hope, I know I’ll be okay, no matter what. 

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Three Things That Entertained, Intrigued, or Inspired Me

1) Witty satire from The New Yorker: A Network Executive Writes a Sitcom

2) Have you heard of hope molecules? They are proteins called myokines that are secreted by our muscles when they contract, and they act as natural antidepressants and stress reducers. This reel explains it quickly but you can find articles on it too. I remember hearing about this years ago, but this was a great reminder that movement is vitally important to health.  

3) Gin is my liquor of choice for cocktails. I saw this recipe for a Gin Daisy on IG from @kristiwithatwist and I think I’ll make some tonight to sip while watching The Bear. Speaking of which, I was going to post about The Bear Season 2, but everyone in the world is already talking about it so I won’t mention how my family is swooning over this season even more than we did Season 1 and how we are purposely limiting ourselves to one at a time to make it last, and that episode 7, Forks, made my heart grow three sizes like The Grinch. Anyway, the recipe calls for grenadine, which I probably don’t have, but I did a quick search and learned I can use maraschino syrup, which I do have a jar of from making Aviation cocktails. It also calls for club soda but I may have an unopened bottle of Pellegrino somewhere. Adapt, get creative—it’s what they’d do on The Bear, right?