Beautiful. The TLS about your mom is perfect. Hard to pull off. I love the "How to" form of the essay about your dad. Also seems perfect--tight, powerful, and so damn sad. I'm curious what the supermarket song was from the 1950s, if you're able to share?
Thank you so much, Deborah. I wasn’t referencing one particular song. My dad filmed and edited epic home movies for many years and he had all kinds of oldies in them from the forties and fifties, and some music from the sixties or more contemporary. It could have been The Way You Look Tonight or something by Dean Martin, Paul Anka, Louie Prima, so many.
Ah, understood. Thanks for responding. The tone and sentimentality of those songs can definitely be evocative. How wonderful that you had such a close relationship with your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Very sorry to hear of your loss, but I'm glad to see you are using your powerful writing to navigate grief in its many and long-lasting forms. I lost my mother (to Alzheimer's) eight years ago and my father a few years ago. I've written about their passings several times since then, each time processing them in different ways that helped with healing. Wishing you peace.
Love this and can totally relate! My first essay here (other than my welcome) was about my dad leaving this earth. And there was also a painting involved. A sign?! Maybe our dads have met in the afterlife! The painting I have was not painted by him, but by his childhood friend who visited the lake where my dad summered as a kid (and where we also summered). It was the painting that had such meaning to his heart, and now to mine. Sorry about your mom. I am waiting for that other shoe to drop. My dad died in April. She was told in February that she only had months, maybe weeks, left due to a cancer she didn't know she had (probably for years) that has spread to her lymph nodes and brain. Yet she is no different now than she was then. Or how she's been for the last few years. I feel your pain. A beautiful tribute!
Beautiful, Abby. Your words are a stunning reminder today of how special it is to have two living parents. Not to be taken for granted. Sending love and hugs your way.
So moving Abby. Reading this again, I'm reminded that you and I are in that rare club of girls with dads who always made them feel they were enough. Such a gift, and so hard to lose.
Thank you Abby. Thank you for the words that have sparked memories for me. I lost my Dad earlier this year to stage 4 dementia and cancer. A long good-bye (ambiguous loss is absolutely a thing - thank you Pauline Boss for you wisdom and insights) with a faster pull towards the end as terminal cancer took hold too. I thought my Dad was the only Three Stooges devotee. That was on replay almost every day. He laughed out loud each and every time until he couldn't - it was beautiful. I hope you're doing okay and that writing about it helps with your healing. It's helping me and others too. Thank you. You have a wonderful gift to share. Anita xx
Abby, I know that gutted feeling; I’m feeling it right now! I have a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach! This piece deserves every acknowledgment it received! Love you 💕💕
so sorry about your mom's passing. Your piece on your dad resonates.
I lost my dad when he was 57 years old. His third bout with cancer was a four month journey that gutted our family. My boys were only 2 years old and 2 months. I always wonder what life would have been like had he lived longer. He's been gone for 28 years and my mom is still a shell of herself at 85.
He and my mom used to dance to 50's music and he'd grab his girls and swing us around as we all sang the words.
Your piece—and that painting—are both beautiful. My dad has been gone since 2011. I totally get it. The signs are everywhere. They might be all we have, but we'll take them. xo
Congratulations on your Tiny Love story. My mom has been gone since 2012 and there's not a day that I doni't think of her. Or the universe sends me signals. Yesterday I got an email from my only son suggesting a song for the mother-son dance at his upcoming wedding. I don't think he knew this, but he chose a song that was one of my mother's favorites and one I like very much. She will be with me at that special moment. So sorry for your loss, but she will always be with you.
Wow, Amy, that's a beautiful sign! And congratulations on your son's upcoming wedding. Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to read this. I'm sorry for your loss as well.
I’ve always loved that piece about your dad, Abby. Parent loss is tough no matter your age, no matter theirs. Sending love and comfort as you navigate the world without either of them a phone call away. 🩷
Oooof, this was hard. and so good. I lost my beloved dad 3 years ago and remember going through so many of these same things when forced to confront his terminal illness and death only 9 short months later at age 72. The hope and denial that you feel despite the prognosis. The feeling of powerlessness when realizing there is nothing you can do to stop it. The grief. Oh, the GRIEF of losing the man who was your favorite person in the whole world. And the collecting of small artifacts from his life that remind me of him. Some of my treasures include his barrister desk lamp, tape measure, and a green Pyrex popcorn bowl. Simple items to some, but to me, they are filled with my best childhood memories.
Eliza, thank you so much for reading my piece and commenting. I'm sorry for your loss. And yes, the most favorite person in the whole world. How lucky were we to have dads like that, right? It's taken me until very recently to let go of some of the items I saved. I sent my brother the loafers I kept. I'll keep some artwork when I downsize in the next year, but will offer the rest to my siblings and nieces and nephews. The handwritten greeting cards I'll never let go. I still miss him all the time. I'm sure your grief is still fresh after only three years. Sending a big hug to you.
Beautiful. The TLS about your mom is perfect. Hard to pull off. I love the "How to" form of the essay about your dad. Also seems perfect--tight, powerful, and so damn sad. I'm curious what the supermarket song was from the 1950s, if you're able to share?
Thank you so much, Deborah. I wasn’t referencing one particular song. My dad filmed and edited epic home movies for many years and he had all kinds of oldies in them from the forties and fifties, and some music from the sixties or more contemporary. It could have been The Way You Look Tonight or something by Dean Martin, Paul Anka, Louie Prima, so many.
Ah, understood. Thanks for responding. The tone and sentimentality of those songs can definitely be evocative. How wonderful that you had such a close relationship with your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Very sorry to hear of your loss, but I'm glad to see you are using your powerful writing to navigate grief in its many and long-lasting forms. I lost my mother (to Alzheimer's) eight years ago and my father a few years ago. I've written about their passings several times since then, each time processing them in different ways that helped with healing. Wishing you peace.
Thank you so much. I’m sorry for your losses too. Alzheimer’s is awful. I’ll look for your writing. I’d like to read it.
Thanks. If interested, my essay that focuses on Alzheimer's most directly is titled "Nesting Dolls of Motherhood." It was a finalist at the 2024 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition: https://www.wclibrary.info/erma/winners/detail/?id=4986&year=2024&winner=F
Love this and can totally relate! My first essay here (other than my welcome) was about my dad leaving this earth. And there was also a painting involved. A sign?! Maybe our dads have met in the afterlife! The painting I have was not painted by him, but by his childhood friend who visited the lake where my dad summered as a kid (and where we also summered). It was the painting that had such meaning to his heart, and now to mine. Sorry about your mom. I am waiting for that other shoe to drop. My dad died in April. She was told in February that she only had months, maybe weeks, left due to a cancer she didn't know she had (probably for years) that has spread to her lymph nodes and brain. Yet she is no different now than she was then. Or how she's been for the last few years. I feel your pain. A beautiful tribute!
Beautiful, Abby. Your words are a stunning reminder today of how special it is to have two living parents. Not to be taken for granted. Sending love and hugs your way.
What a beautiful post, Abby.
Thank you, Heather!
So moving Abby. Reading this again, I'm reminded that you and I are in that rare club of girls with dads who always made them feel they were enough. Such a gift, and so hard to lose.
Thank you so much, Kate. And yes, what a rare gift to have a dad so loving and present. You and I were so fortunate.
❤️
Thank you Abby. Thank you for the words that have sparked memories for me. I lost my Dad earlier this year to stage 4 dementia and cancer. A long good-bye (ambiguous loss is absolutely a thing - thank you Pauline Boss for you wisdom and insights) with a faster pull towards the end as terminal cancer took hold too. I thought my Dad was the only Three Stooges devotee. That was on replay almost every day. He laughed out loud each and every time until he couldn't - it was beautiful. I hope you're doing okay and that writing about it helps with your healing. It's helping me and others too. Thank you. You have a wonderful gift to share. Anita xx
Wow, your writing is beautiful, heartfelt, just mesmerizing.
Your father's art piece is so good it might belong in a museum. So happy you rescued it.
Thank you so much ❤️
Abby, I know that gutted feeling; I’m feeling it right now! I have a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach! This piece deserves every acknowledgment it received! Love you 💕💕
Thank you. Love you ❤️❤️❤️
so sorry about your mom's passing. Your piece on your dad resonates.
I lost my dad when he was 57 years old. His third bout with cancer was a four month journey that gutted our family. My boys were only 2 years old and 2 months. I always wonder what life would have been like had he lived longer. He's been gone for 28 years and my mom is still a shell of herself at 85.
He and my mom used to dance to 50's music and he'd grab his girls and swing us around as we all sang the words.
Thank you for bringing this memory to my heart.❤️
Oh, he was so young! I’m so sorry. What a beautiful memory of them dancing. Thank you for sharing that and for reading this.
Beautiful, Abby. I love how you end the piece with the salvaged painting—an expression of your father’s soul.
Thanks Joelle. ❤️
Your piece—and that painting—are both beautiful. My dad has been gone since 2011. I totally get it. The signs are everywhere. They might be all we have, but we'll take them. xo
Same year, same club. xo
Congratulations on your Tiny Love story. My mom has been gone since 2012 and there's not a day that I doni't think of her. Or the universe sends me signals. Yesterday I got an email from my only son suggesting a song for the mother-son dance at his upcoming wedding. I don't think he knew this, but he chose a song that was one of my mother's favorites and one I like very much. She will be with me at that special moment. So sorry for your loss, but she will always be with you.
Wow, Amy, that's a beautiful sign! And congratulations on your son's upcoming wedding. Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to read this. I'm sorry for your loss as well.
I’ve always loved that piece about your dad, Abby. Parent loss is tough no matter your age, no matter theirs. Sending love and comfort as you navigate the world without either of them a phone call away. 🩷
Thank you, Casey. You’ve written some of the most powerful pieces on grief I’ve ever read. Much love to you, my friend.
Oooof, this was hard. and so good. I lost my beloved dad 3 years ago and remember going through so many of these same things when forced to confront his terminal illness and death only 9 short months later at age 72. The hope and denial that you feel despite the prognosis. The feeling of powerlessness when realizing there is nothing you can do to stop it. The grief. Oh, the GRIEF of losing the man who was your favorite person in the whole world. And the collecting of small artifacts from his life that remind me of him. Some of my treasures include his barrister desk lamp, tape measure, and a green Pyrex popcorn bowl. Simple items to some, but to me, they are filled with my best childhood memories.
Eliza, thank you so much for reading my piece and commenting. I'm sorry for your loss. And yes, the most favorite person in the whole world. How lucky were we to have dads like that, right? It's taken me until very recently to let go of some of the items I saved. I sent my brother the loafers I kept. I'll keep some artwork when I downsize in the next year, but will offer the rest to my siblings and nieces and nephews. The handwritten greeting cards I'll never let go. I still miss him all the time. I'm sure your grief is still fresh after only three years. Sending a big hug to you.